An open letter to my son - Part 9

Five years ago this week, your mom and I moved back to the United States after living in Europe for four years.  It was 2003 and I was in the Army when I received orders to serve in Germany.  The thought of moving from the U.S. kept me up many a night.  I did not want to go.  I didn’t care to be a stranger in a strange land.  

Living overseas ended up being the greatest of blessings! We savored the experience.  We traveled to over 20 countries while we were there.  We met incredible people in the two years we lived in Germany.  We then moved to Italy and made more marvelous friends.  

Our European experience taught us many things.  It certainly opened our minds to other cultures.  We learned that there is much more to life than working and accumulating stuff.  We were able to be around people who really understand how to celebrate life.  

I encourage you to aggressively travel.  Make it a priority to see the world (and take me with you!).  It will open your mind and your heart.  As Mark Twain once stated, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

An open letter to my son - Part 8

Women tend to call it “intuition”.  Men usually call it “trusting their gut”.

Conscience.  Instinct.  Call it whatever you want.  I just want you to follow that feeling.  

We all have it.  It’s just not very well utilized.  We typically let our logic overrule it.  

Use your head, but don’t neglect your heart and gut.  When you hear that quiet voice . . . when that moment of inspiration strikes, take note.  Take action!  

I was once caught off guard by a wise Priest.  I was totally expecting him to start preaching to me about some religious doctrine.  He must have perceived my resistance and decided to blindside me.  He said, “David, that voice inside you is God speaking through you.  Listen to it!”  That was 1997.  I have followed his advice ever since . . . and it’s never served me wrong.

I'm going to rely on a little more Steve Jobs wisdom.
That iphone and ipad that are so intuitive for a 2 year old (i.e. you) to maneuver . . .
ya, he created them.   He's kind of a big deal.  

An open letter to my son - Part 7

You’ll hear people exclaim, “She’s so lucky”  You’ll also hear people whine, “If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.”

Your Gido likes to say, “You’re lucky, David.”  My typical reply is “No, I’m fortunate.”  

You see, I don’t really believe in luck in the classic sense.  Despite the popularity of the notion, life really isn’t a game of chance.  If there is such thing as luck, it’s a byproduct of recognizing opportunities and seizing them.

Think of “LUCK” as an acronym for Laboring Under Correct Knowledge.  
If you do your research . . .
if you develop your talents . . .
if you have an admirable work ethic . . .
if you look at all the facts and then follow your intuition . . .
if you are decisive and persistent . . .
You will have created all the luck you’ll need.  

An open letter to my son - Part 6

Speaking of fears, I believe your goals and dreams should scare you on some level.  If your dreams don’t bring you at least a bit of anxiety, they probably aren’t big enough.  
 
In my opinion, “sweet dreams” aren’t the highest and best use of those hours in which you slumber. Since you were a baby, my standard blessing as you head off to bed has been “dream big!”  


Develop BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) that are so compelling that they’ll fuel you over obstacles and through the criticism.  Another good investment of your time would be to find the “Last Lecture” presentation by Randy Pausch.  Randy was dying of pancreatic cancer and in this speech he suggests that the “brick walls” that we encounter while pursuing our dreams are simply there to allow us to show how badly we want something. Your BHAG will get you over that brick wall every time.  


It’s energizing to have big dreams.  Dream so big that you are just like a kid . . . so revved up that you never get tired.  As Walt Disney put it, “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”  


This also reminds me of a Will Smith interview that I once saw.  He said, “There’s a certain delusional quality that all successful people have to have, you have to believe that something different than what has happened for the last 50 million years of history, you have to believe that something different can happen.”   


He continues, “Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity, why would you be realistic? I’m gonna do it, it’s done. It’s unrealistic to walk in a room and flip a switch and lights to come on. That’s unrealistic, fortunately Edison didn’t think so.  It’s unrealistic to think you’re going to bend a piece of metal and fly people over an ocean in that metal, that’s unrealistic, but fortunately the Wright brothers and others didn’t believe that.”


Since I’m in a quote kind of mood, I’ll leave you with one more on this topic.  It’s the signature advice from Apple founder, Steve Jobs:

Dream BIG, Bennett.  
Be Unrealistic.  
Stay foolish.  
Do the impossible!

An open letter to my son - Part 5

As I previously mentioned, I want you to be prosperous.  I want you to be happy.  I also want you to be comfortable . . . but not all the time.  Recognize that most of the important stuff in your life will happen when you are beyond your comfort zone.  

I challenge you to take frequent and intentional trips outside of your comfort zone.  It’s similar to going to the gym.  Unless you are sweating and feeling a little bit of a “burn”, it’s probably not worth your while.  

So, order something on that restaurant menu that you have never had before.  Better yet, order something you’ve never heard of.  Hang out with the “weirdos” and “freaks”.  Seek to understand people with religious and political views opposite of those you currently hold.  Travel to foreign lands and make yourself the minority.  

One of my favorite quotes is by Joseph Campbell.  He said, “"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”  Fear is a biological response that really isn’t appropriate for this day and age.  Those fears were created to keep your ancestor of 400 generations ago from being devoured by a saber-toothed tiger.  

In this century, all your needs are met.  Almost all your fears are irrational and unwarranted.  

Dedicate a morning and read “The Flinch.”  In this book Julien Smith will eloquently explain to you why facing your fears and anxieties head on is so important.  You’ll understand why you won’t make a difference if you aren’t willing to sacrifice your comfort.  

An open letter to my son - Part 4

I want you to be true to yourself.  Decide what you value most and then engineer your life around those values.  

If you yearn to be a man of character (which I hope you do and suspect you will), you’ll want to make integrity your #1 value.  Integrity is the value that makes all the other values possible.

Integrity means being honest.  It also means being accountable.  When I was a kid, they talked about the 3 R’s in school (Reading, Riting? and ‘Rithmetic? . . . I think they forgot Spelling in that list because only one of them really starts with R).  There are 3 more important R’s associated with integrity:
1)  Respect for yourself
2)  Respect for others
3)  Responsibility for all your actions.  

It’s about doing what you said you would do, when you said you would do it.  Work hard to keep those promises to others. Learn how to honor the promises you make to yourself.  Enlist others to hold you accountable.  

Bennett, I want your life to be a prosperous one.  But please remember that it’s important that you create a life in which your name (and your legacy) is worth much more than your bank account.  

Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful. — Samuel Johnson

An open letter to my son - Part 3

When we are born, we are pure potential.  The path of life stands before us and there are endless things on that path that we can see, do, and become.  Being born in America, that potential is inseparably linked with opportunity.  This abundant opportunity allows you to control (to a great deal) where the path may lead.

Fortunately, there are abundant opportunities available to all of us.  Unfortunately, there is so much opportunity that most take it for granted.  In fact, many can't even see it.  This has led to a growing population of ungrateful and entitled Americans.  

The Declaration of Independence emphasizes "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."  The most important word in that phrase is pursuit.  Pursuit is an active verb.  You have to move your feet.  You have to hustle.  You have to make it happen.  Happiness isn't just going to land in your lap or show up in your mailbox (if there are still mailboxes when you read this).  

I have some very simple advice that will help you combat this entitlement and ingratitude epidemic.  It will help you in your pursuit of a happy life.  It's called "Please and Thank you".

You are already a very polite little boy.  Please don't let those habits atrophy as you grow up.  You can defeat an entitlement mindset with the word “please”.  Ask for what you want, but say please.  Please assumes that you aren't entitled and that if you are going to get something that it must be shared by someone or something else.  That sharer may be me, another family member, a friend, a stranger, nature or whatever Higher Being you choose to believe in.  

When you ask for what you want, sometimes you will hear no.  That's okay (but sometimes it's actually a "maybe later" in disguise. Please refer back to the word "pursuit". We'll talk about critics, cynics, naysayers, and not taking no for an answer at a later time).  

If the answer is yes,  be grateful.  Say thank you.  Say thank you again! Show appreciation. As Jack Canfield has said, “Gratitude is the single most important ingredient to living a successful and fulfilled life."